Again, this is from Metamorpha. I'm so into this book. Really, not everything in it has me captured, but I like the ideas, and I am impressed.
So I was reading, still in the beginning part of the book, and I see where the author (Strobel), begins to talk about his struggle with prayer. He says that he wanted to tell somebody about the importance of prayer, but later that night, he had a heart to heart with God. He says, "I didn't believe that prayer worked." And he's not saying this because he really believed that prayer was a stupid idea, he was saying that he, personally, deep down, did not believe that prayer worked for him. And he came to this conclusion; it was not some idea he carried around about the invalidity of prayer.
This really impacted me. The next quote was so true, and even though it's something I've heard before, it hit me again:
"Finding out what you really believe is simple: look at your life. Where do you spend the most energy and time? What actions or practices make up your day? What's missing? Suffice it to say there is something profoundly self-contradictory about believing on the one hand that God hears and answers prayer and, on the other, simply not getting around to praying."
How many things do I say that I believe in, that are foundations of my faith, that I don't carry out one hundred percent? Do I pray about everything in my life that I know I need God in? Do I seek his face in every area? Do I consistently look for ways to help others? These are all things that I have claimed are basic elements of what I believe and have devoted my life to. But I don't always do them to the extent that God deserves. Who am I to take away time and dedication from him to do "me" concerned things? Who do I think I am?
"The only real way to determine my beliefs is to see how I live week in and week out."
I guess I'm on a journey to see what I believe, and perhaps to re-align my actions to follow some of the beliefs that I have neglected. I'm excited about new chances, the privilege to do work for God, and upcoming relationships to be had and developed.