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Sunday, February 20, 2011

Blast from the Past

I was sifting through some of my older posts and came across this one from 1-year ago today!  That's not so long ago!  However, I've met some of you since then, and thought I'd update you.  It was part 1 in a 3-part mini blog series I did (which you can read here: 1, 2, & 3), and I still remember what I was going through when I wrote it.  It was part of my heart learning to grow.  I just love looking back and seeing God's faithfulness.

In high school Spanish I had to do a project called "Sueño," which means dream. On a poster board, we had to list out some dreams we had in Spanish, of course. There must have been a certain amount of dreams that we had to list because I remember people including the most absurd things, places, celebrities, and activities on their boards. Needless to say, it was not really what anyone dreamed of, and we were all thinking of enough articles to place on our lists.

Well, this morning I was thinking and praying about my real dreams (in life, not in sleep) and I was reminded of that poster, and how if we had been asked to be truthful and serious, what I would have said. Honestly, the thought of putting my dreams out there scares me. I feel as if I either saying or writing them will do one of two things: one, that they would be plucked right out of my mouth and off of the page and taken away into some abyss forever and they will join all of the other proclaimed dreams that people have and never do - I take my dreams very seriously, and I think that if I share them, then you won't take them seriously; two, I think that if I put my dreams into word boxes and mark them somewhere, I will have to achieve them, and I'm terrified that I can't do them.

I always said that I didn't share all of myself with people because I was too deep thought of life in very strong, serious terms, and I could overwhelm them. And that is partially true. I remember a few times when I have sat down with a girlfriend and told her a dream that I had and she either glazes over, doesn't get it, or, just recently, I had someone say, "You know who would be really good at that?" and proceed to tell me who else would be better at accomplishing my own dream.

But, lately, I have had less and less of an excuse. For one, Billy has helped me tremendously. He takes me seriously and believes that everything God has placed on my heart can come to pass. I have also been meeting with an awesome girl that is a lot like me - very serious and 'overwhelming' at times, and she has really specific personal goals - and our commonalities have been inspiring because when I was younger, I truly felt as if I were the only person who took life this seriously, and that I needed to back down. Together, we are reading Beth Moore's So Long, Insecurity and that has been opening up my eyes to my own insecurities and how they have been holding me back from what I feel God wants me to do.

I can't help but think that I'm not the only one who feels this way. What are some of your dreams - the one's that you are scared to say out loud? or write down? or share with the www so that everyone might hold you accountable? I'd love to hear yours, because my next blog post will be mine. I'd like to be in good company.

2 comments:

  1. I'm glad you reposted this from last year.
    I'm coming to the point in my life where college is a year from ending, which means I have to start thinking about what I want to do with my life.
    And this is what I'm thinking:
    I want to live well and fearlessly, love without reservations, and laugh a lot. I want to write a book. And I want to do everything with love and purpose. I don't know where specifically that will all take place, but I know that that's only the background to the essentials of my story.

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  2. So I have GOBS of dreams. And boy do I wish I could sit down with you in real life to listen to your dreams...because so often I feel alone in my huge aspirations just as you mentioned. What a blessing that you are able to sit down and hash out these aspirations with someone else! So often I am scared of my dreams because I see them as places where I know God will HAVE TO come through. And being a control-freak, I have to be honest, it scares me. I don't know if I've ever put myself out there enough to be in a place where God just HAD TO come through or it wouldn't take place. Right now in this moment, the dream that is the heaviest on my heart and in my deep down desires that I have talked over and over with God about is being a mommy. And a stay at home mommy at that. I don't know what God's plans are just yet on our first baby. But I know it's my dream. The dream that grips at my heart and turns my stomach when I think about it. Because I just don't know how much longer I can hold still not chasing after it.

    Whew. that felt good. :)

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Your words make my heart smile.