Anxious Peace

I am quite the emotional person.  My mom says that when I was little, I could cry on demand (I'm almost 100% sure that I'm have retained that skill into adulthood).  Needless to say, in my relationship with God, I have had to learn what is my emotion and my flesh and what is a move of God in my spirit.  Sometimes it's easy, and sometimes it's not.

In the past year, as we have tried to figure a lot out for our little family, I have experienced such a hurricane of emotions that even sometimes I feel as if I am overwhelming myself.  At times, I have poured out my tears to the Lord, asking him that if He made me, why couldn't He give me more ability to put my emotions aside?

I did not get many answers, except for this:
God uses my emotions as part of His process.

The ultimate example: Jesus.  Though I do not pretend to equalize myself with God, He is the perfect example.  His sacrifice on the cross is the basis of everything I believe, everything I base my life on.  Yet even Jesus, in His perfection, recognized that the task was hard.  He asked God to change the situation if there was any other way, but there wasn't.  Luke 22:44 says that Jesus was in "such agony of spirit that his sweat fell to the ground like great drops of blood."  This is not my idea of peace.  Yet God strengthened Him, and aren't we all so very thankful that Jesus went through with it?

As women especially, we are incredibly tempted to allow our emotions to govern our peace.  Yet sometimes, we will feel anxiety amidst God's peace.  Yet if we recognize this and let Him use it, then our emotional weakness can be a conduit through which He shows His own strength.

Thank goodness I don't have to have it all together, because I'm pretty sure that is never going to really happen.

“My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me.  -2 Corinthians 12:9