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Tuesday, August 28, 2012

Nowhere but Right Here

Our savings account laughs at us.
Liam has recently been needing and wanting me and much of me and my arms only.

...and I'm struggling to even finish this list of things I could complain about, because something in me just refuses to choose the negativity.

A year and a half ago, Joanna Weaver taught me about processes and she changed my life.

Instead of aching for the outcome, for the finish line, I learned to cherish the moments I would have otherwise rushed through:
The first half of my pregnancy (though it was spent hanging my head over the toilet),
giving birth (though it was long and painful), 
or having no plan and no settledness (which my heart usually needs).

And I feel the same today, this minute.  Somehow, I'm imminently thankful for the things we are lacking, the parts of our future that are unsure, and even the moments where our belts are just about as tight as they can be.

I want to be right here.  This is the moment God has for me, and He's doing something right now.  Any unsureness, exhaustion, stretching, or even discomfort is part of my process.  God's doing something beautiful, and I embrace it, and in the unsettledness, I'm settled, and in the tiredness, I'm refreshed, and it's all gorgeously complicated.

And I wouldn't change a thing.