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Thursday, August 30, 2012

On ministry and being terrified

The next tab in my browser is open to "Manage Group Leaders" on MOPsguide.org.
Deep breaths.

I've only been a mom for 6 months now.
6 months of experience.  Life changing, exhausting, emotional, uplifting experience.

I am unqualified to start a ministry for mothers.

My husband and I are starting to dig into the young married ministry (as in, take it over).
He is just a worship leader.
We've only been married for 3 years in October.

Who will want to connect with us, be on our team, support us?

Tears fill my eyes because it sounds so pitiful in my head yet the thoughts threaten to take root in my heart.

The other night I complimented one of my very best friends (who's husband also works at our church) on how well they do at pouring out and giving and being who they are called to be.

The first words out of her mouth: "You really think so?  I don't always feel like that."

And I think, 
maybe we're not so different, 
and thank you Jesus - I'm not alone, 
and yes, I really do think so.  
(She's pretty awesome, raising two boys six months apart and all.  Read her story and you'll think so too.)

And Jesus whispers in my heart that this is why we are qualified.
Because we are not.
Because somehow, He chooses us anyway, and He works in ways that don't make sense.

Because He can make something unwise wise, and something ugly beautiful, and sometimes, simplicity and empty-handed-ness are the best places to start.

Because it's not about us, it's about Him.
We get to join our willingness to His capability and our little match joins His big fire and we give Him glory.  And the match doesn't go out.  It just keeps burning His story.
And it doesn't matter who we are or where we come from, though somehow He uses those things, too.

And this is what He chose us for, in this moment, and He does not make mistakes.  He doesn't take away His gifts or His call.  He knew us before He called us, before He planted the passion in our hearts.  He's not surprised.  I don't have to be either.

This is going to be good.

This foolish plan of God is wiser than the wisest of human plans, and God’s weakness is stronger than the greatest of human strength.