I have had the most bizarre pregnancy symptom. I may now call it a symptom because I have googled it, and everyone knows that Google has the answer to everything. Also, I asked my mom, and she's even smarter than Google.
Prepare yourself... it's really weird. And frustrating.
For the past couple of months (I'm almost 20 weeks pregnant), I sometimes will start talking and out of nowhere, I start to get really hot. And then I feel it... a blush starts to creep up my neck and into my face (and on my hands, and my feet... at least, that's how it feels). I mean, in general, I blush every once in a while. I'm pretty pale, and I just can't help it.
But this is not the cute, regular flush-cheeked bashfulness. And it's definitely not what you would label the "pregnancy glow." It's all-out-call-the-fire-department burning under my skin. It reaches my scalp.
And it's a vicious, vicious cycle. Usually, when I start blushing now, I'm not embarrassed at all. It just starts happening. But when whoever I'm talking to looks at me oddly, I start to get a little embarrassed. I want to start wearing a sign that says:
I know I'm blushing.
I'm not embarrassed.
I'm pregnant.
It's the extra blood flow.
I know because I googled it.
Maybe you'll tell me that this has nothing to do with pregnancy. Well, me and a bunch of my new-found friends on random bulletin boards online (sounds secure, right?) are here to tell you that IT DOES! And if it doesn't, at least we're all crazy together. And that we can blame on pregnancy.
There's something about fall that makes me incredibly grateful.
This fall, I'm more thankful than ever.
We are still figuring life out. But we are incredibly blessed. A baby on the way, a husband who leads me, prays for me, and loves me, and a Jesus who saves me daily.
And though things are not perfect, I decide to give thanks. Not even just because of my blessings, but because of who Jesus is, at all times. My confidence rests not in happiness, but in the amazing, overwhelming, unchanging goodness of my God.
...Will I ever relish this little boy kicking his mommy not just once but multiple times. I am pretty sure he will get in trouble from birth on out for either punching or kicking me.
...Will I let people touch an otherwise uninteresting part of my abdomen.
...Will I cry over wanting wings at 11:45pm because I feel absolutely insane but can't help sobbing (goodness... I do hope this stops after the baby comes).
...Will people smile sympathetically when I tell them that I cried at 11:45pm over wings.
...Will I memorize every square inch of my bathroom because I visit it so often, due to those kicks directed at my bladder and the earlier nausea/vomiting.
...Will I be so happy and blessed to feel so weird, off-kilter, and a little bit (or a lot) crazy.
We couldn't be more thrilled! Remember this naming post? Well, we stuck with William Judah, but we are going to call him Liam! I love it, and I'm already used to thinking of him as a little growing boy now! I can't wait to share some nursery ideas with you all. We can't wait!
By the way, the poll actually said girl! But it was close in the end... those of you who chose correctly, you win smiles and hugs and fun stuff!
Eeek! It's fun and crazy to think this growth is normal!
How far along: 16 weeks
Baby size: Avocado
Total weight gain/loss: Um, I'm a little freaked out by the rapid weight gain... I don't even want to talk about it.
Sleep: One of my best friends let me borrow her boppy body pillow, and sleep is much better. I am still getting up a couple of times a night, but falling back asleep is much easier.
Ah-maz-ing.
Movement: I'm almost 100% sure I'm feeling some movement now. It only really happens when I'm sitting or lying down later in the evening. And it's not very consistent, but it is very different than gas. I can't wait until it is even more common!
Food cravings/aversions: I've craved sushi this week, but that's pretty much it. I don't have any definite aversions that are new, but I need to mix up my snack routine. I've eaten way too many mini-bags of almonds and pretzels and pita chips.
Pregnancy Symptoms: Almost the exact same as last week, except I've added some sharper pains across my middle. I tried to do this pregnancy fitness video this week, and every time I tried to stretch out my abdomen, I felt like my muscles were being pulled... so I stopped in the middle of the workout. I'll stick to the elliptical and some yoga.
What I miss: I went shopping yesterday and got a little discouraged. Here in Charleston we have some outlet stores, and none of them carried anything maternity. I just kept thinking that even if the cute things I saw might fit right now, they probably wouldn't in the next couple of weeks. So, I guess I miss knowing my body. Right now, I'm a little cloudy as to what to expect.
What I'm looking forward to: This Saturday, we are getting a 3D ultrasound, and if Baby decides to show us, we'll find out the gender! Also, though figuring out my changing shape is somewhat of a challenge, I do look forward to continual growth. I do love my growing belly, despite the awkwardness.
Milestones: Not being nauseated or throwing up for a whole week. I know I have Zofran to thank for that partly, but I also really do think things are slowly improving. Also, I woke up one morning this week not feeling tired, and that was incredible. I'm hoping that becomes more common very soon.
Best moment this week: Thinking I had gained a ton of weight and then stepping on the scale the next day to realize I'd dropped back down to where I should be. I forgot that weight could fluxuate within a couple of days, and I thought I'd been doing well. I had, but that one day really threw me off.
Moments with Billy: He's been amazing! Lately, he's been talking to the baby, which makes me laugh. I want so badly for him to feel involved and connected. Also, I caught him looking at baby clothes, which was absolutely adorable!
I love my life. I relish the crazy, full, diversified schedule that we keep. I love saying yes to things. I love feeling accomplished and tired at the end of the day.
However, between being a pregnant wife, part of a ministry, a small group leader, a homemaker (though that is often debatable), a friend, a sister, a daughter, and a person, I tend to feel a little like Waldo:
If the childhood urge hits you like it hit me, click on the image to enlarge and highlight over this next line if you need a hint:
He's in the upper left quadrant!
Sometimes, I can't find me... the girl who loves to curl up with a cup of coffee in a silent room escaping in a book... a passion for creative writing sometimes so overwhelming I could cry... a need to indulge in art and emotion and compassion and a yearning to just feel and relish the connection between myself and my Maker.
It takes effort to push these things aside for a moment. As an achiever, I'm always striving for the next thing, waiting to check off the next line of the list. Sometimes, I forget that that girl with oddly deep and analytical thoughts and emotions is ok. I shove her aside for the other one - the do-er, the one pushing for excellence.
But when I make that effort, when I turn off all of the distractions, I am reminded of Who made her, and that He did it for a reason. When I let Him overcome me, the rest of the list doesn't seem so important anymore; the responsibilities no longer so heavy. I am allowed and encouraged to be the daughter indulging in her Father's love and compassion and mercy. It's alright to be motivated by the depth and the emotion and the passion, because all of those things stem from Him. I am flawed, but I am His masterpiece in the making.
You know me inside and out, you know every bone in my body; You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit, how I was sculpted from nothing into something. Like an open book, you watched me grow from conception to birth; all the stages of my life were spread out before you, The days of my life all prepared before I'd even lived one day. --Psalm 139:15-16 (MSG)
