JUST One Week

Billy was gone to NYC for a week with a group from our church a couple of weeks ago.  He left on a Thursday and came home on a Thursday, so he was only there for one week.

It was the longest week of my life, but I learned lots about myself that I didn't know before.

Self-Discoveries:

1.  Taking care of Liam by myself was in no way a burden.  I appreciate all that Billy does help with, but I never felt as if I didn't have enough to give as a mom.  It's amazing to see the grace that God supplies us with as parents to make sure that our children are taken care of.  Parenting is definitely a partnership, but the week alone gave me more confidence that God has equipped me to take care of my children in any situation.

2.  I can be frugal.  I hardly ate out at all.  I truly recognized how much of a social thing eating out is, and when I made my meals quickly and quietly because of my lonesome state, I didn't even consider going to pick up food.  I just ate what I had.

3.  I am quite pathetic emotionally without Billy around.  I expected to be fine until later in the week, but I'm pretty sure I cried buckets the first night without him.  If you know us, you know we're pretty cheesy when we talk about love.  Well, I just proved our cheesiness to the maximum by being slightly depressed when he was gone.

4.  My husband is such a MAN.  I didn't realize the huge amount of security, strength, and stability that he provides for our family just by being present.  

5.  I have great respect for military wives.  I don't know how they do it.  Again, I know that God provides the strength we need for what comes along, but being alone when you're used to having your husband is incredibly difficult, even if just emotionally.  Those women truly are unsung heroes (or heroines).

I adore my husband.  There is nothing better than beginning and ending each day with that man.

Identity Crisis

All over the internet, I read bloggers giving advice that to be an effective blogger, you must "know your niche" in blogging.  Know your audience, know your subject matter.

This is something I have struggled and struggled with.

What if my goal is simply to write what is on my heart?  What if sometimes, I feel like I want to share something that made me giggle, and the next moment, I want to share something that made me sob?  Am I not trying hard enough to be specific?  Will anyone be interested?

I guess, dear audience, that I would hope to identify you as I try to identify my blogger (and non-blogger) self.  A real, raw person who gets from one day to the next by simply living.  A person that, amidst all of that life-living, also seeks out moments of intensity, moments of purpose, moments that make the heart beat life into places forgotten.  I hope you are a person that dreams big dreams with big hopes while folding laundry one minute and putting the dishes aside to read a book the next.  I am guessing that you want to change the world somehow, yet you feel insignificant and busy and but still somehow hopeful.

If you are anything like me, you are looking for people to identify with.  Words to connect with.  Confirmation that being very real is what life is about, and that these moments are beautiful and messy and we all have them.  

I know that God is not mistaken, and that this mess of me and my blog and my heart may not fit inside of a box, of a subject matter.  And I have to believe that there is an audience that doesn't fit inside any of those things, either.