It's not that I never meant it, but I rarely did. I don't think I knew the value of saying sorry until I grew up in age and grew up in Christ. I always said it, because, well, it made me look good, and I was sure that nobody saw through my insecurity and repetition. I probably needed to say sorry as much as I did, but I also needed to mean it.
I thought that meaning my apologies would have to be coupled with my admittance of failure, of missing the bar, of being just plain wrong.
I was right.
However, as I've gotten closer to Jesus, I've realized that the awful thing I thought I was avoiding is not in any way shape or form awful at all. Who was I to think I could even attempt to have it all together? Shame on me! And if anyone didn't see through my disguises, shame on them, too! If I could not express my failures and recognize my need to repent, not only do I cause myself and the people around me a disservice, I completely ruin the picture of what Jesus did on the Cross. In empty apologies, I ignored the fact that I could in no way, shape, or form, measure up to where I was supposed to be.
Recently, I've made an extra effort to say sorry when I botch things up... with my husband, with my friends, with my small group, and with my God. And honestly, I feel weight lifting off of my shoulders with each recognition of my failure, because I wasn't meant to do it alone. Everytime I allow myself to be imperfect, I recognize Who's strength I'm leaning on.
Each time [God] said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. -2 Corinthians 12:9
what an awesome post. Really makes me think about how much I apologize and whether or not I always mean it. Thank you so much for sharing this!
ReplyDeleteI used to be the same way. If a classmate dropped their pencil from across the room, I would apologize. It felt like I was somehow making up for all the "real sorries" that I should have said--and that are so much harder! Genuine repentance is not an easy thing, but I'm learning the value of it more and more as I get older. It's always the tough stuff that makes us grow.
ReplyDeleteBeautiful.
ReplyDeleteA sweet, heartfelt post! Thanks for sharing!
ReplyDeleteI just found you on Faithblogs...This was such a wonderful post and so very true!
ReplyDeleteWhat a honest and sincere post. I heart this post and you! We will never be perfect, and that's when apologies come in. But where we are weak, God is strong. He will always make us whole. He really is all we need. :) :)
ReplyDeleteYeah, we usually said I'm sorry for many things but we never really felt like that, since I remember I just said once I'm sorry and I felt like that, but since that day I became very indifferent and actually I don't care about many things right now, I just work, study and cut heads in my job If I have too, that's sad :S
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing this...it really causes me to stop and think about it. I let "sorry" come out of my mouth gobs, too! For the smallest things. What a deep thought! Thanks for sharing that great scripture too...very powerful!
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