Welcome to Part 1 of my journey.
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My biggest struggle over the last year has been feeling as if God had forgotten me. I never questioned if he was God or if I should obey him; I just thought that somehow, I had fallen out of the back of his mind. Maybe I was low on his list. I saw people taking the next steps in life and wondered why it seemed God had put our lives on hold. I was so incredibly confused as to why people around me seemed to have the direction they'd prayed for. I had prayed too, daily, for God to do in my life what he was doing in theirs.
You could have told me that those people had issues and questions with God's plan for their own lives, too, but that wouldn't have helped. See, I didn't want anyone else to suffer. I was so overwhelmingly happy for those around me, and I never wished that they would "not have" because I felt like God was withholding from me. It was not envy that was eating me up... it was the loneliness of confusion.
I was desperate. I was caught in the middle of so wanting to submit my life to God's will no matter what it looked like, and railing against God for not giving me answers--for not writing on the wall when we would be able to move forward with our lives.
Whenever I would open up, people would give me the worst advice. They were all telling me what to do, how I needed to approach God--all things I was pretty aware of already. I was writing down Bible verses about not questioning God and how his thoughts were higher than ours. I started to see God as cold and uncaring--I just needed to follow him because he said so. I found no comfort, which I realize is what I needed most. I was not doubting God's power, and I was not falling away from trusting in him; I was just emotionally exhausted.
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For today, I'll just leave you with a hint that my journey from feeling forgotten into God's perfect peace has something to do with verses like this:
When you go through deep waters, I will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown. When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up; the flames will not consume you....
No one can snatch anyone out of my hand.
--Isaiah 43:2,13
Oh, I love this. I know this feeling so well, and I've struggled with it for so long. I actually just wrote a post about something similar.
ReplyDeleteI love the verse. iI's a great start to the day :)
Great post, Sarah. Very honest and real. I can relate. LOVE you tons! Wonderful verse! Thank you for sharing.
ReplyDeleteI am excited about this story! I love it when people are real about their walk with the Lord. I look forward to more!
ReplyDeleteI look forward to reading more about your journey Sarah. I'm proud of you girl for your strength and trust in God.
ReplyDeletethank you for being so honest. it's great to share about how God is truly loving and powerful. he is so gracious, isn't he? :)
ReplyDeleteIncredible verse. Can't wait to read more!
ReplyDeleteSo looking forward to reading more about your recent journey and seeing how God has been working in your life. Your faithfulness to Him...even when things get frustrating...is such a testimony.
ReplyDeletelooking forward to see how He is writing your story. :)
ReplyDeletewe've also been in a period of waiting and wondering when/how very specific prayers will be answered. it's hard, but as you've probably already learned;
"strength will rise as you wait upon the Lord"
~Isaiah 40:28-31~
Yet those who WAIT for the LORD Will gain new strength; They will mount up with wings like eagles, They will run and not get tired, They will walk and not become weary.
~Lamentations 3:25~
The LORD is GOOD to those who wait for Him, To the person who seeks Him.
~h
Great post...can't wait to read about the rest of your journey!
ReplyDeleteYour verse posted is so perfect for me today! I have been meditating on this one earlier today: Philippians 4:7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
ReplyDeleteHis word is so comforting!
I have often cried, "God where are you in all of this". I look forward to reading more of your journey!
ReplyDeletei echo jennifers comment! Thanks for letting us in. Your beautiful!
ReplyDelete♥cheche
i think we can be quite crazy when others are suffering and throw bible verses at them rather than be moved to speak by the SPIRIT and patient in His direction in counseling others. But yeah. I praise God for allowing you to open your heart up to us all during that time. :)
That verse is so refreshing-it gave me the chills!
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing.
This was a much-needed post! You are so wonderful and I have a feeling this verse is really appropriate for a lot of us right now : )
ReplyDelete"the loneliness of confusion"
ReplyDeleteYES. That's the perfect phrasing & I can so relate.
I haven't been over here in awhile and I wanted to catch up and I'm so glad I did :) I've been here. Many, many times. For five long years actually. And it was hard. Lonely. Restless. But I look back and realize that God was preparing my heart for his plans. (It doesn't make it any easier for you to hear that, though, I know!) I love how you're hanging onto God's word and pressing into His presence--He knows what it's costing you and your perseverance is gold to him. I remember studying the relationship God had with prophets like Ezekiel and Elijah, with Abraham, Gideon, and David and I noticed a theme: they asked God hard questions. They even bargained with God. They let him know when they were disappointed or even when they thought things were unfair. And God welcomed the questions and the honesty. He isn't threatened by our emotions. It changed the way I viewed my relationship with God. I can be more real with Him than with anyone else.
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing your heart! :)