The List of New

I'm experiencing a lovely amount of new things right now.  It's a breath of fresh air, and I'm thanking Jesus for this sweet time to just rest in Him.

Some new [or old-made-new] in my life:

1.  The Non-Blog-Design Existence 

I'm finishing up the last couple of blogs I had promised to finish and I have refunded everyone I couldn't promise designs for.  I am such a people pleaser, and I hate to disappoint anyone, even those of you I've only met/done business with in cyber-space.  However, getting used to not designing every waking moment or feeling guilty every time I do something besides fill orders has been not too hard.  I thank God and my husband for nudging me toward this.

2.  Books! 

When Billy and I first got married, we didn't have room to house all of my books, so we had to leave about half of them at my parents' house.  Well, last week, I got all of my babies back!  I literally feel like a mother hen who can now breathe normally because all of her children are back under one roof.  Please, please laugh at my nerdy expense.  I don't care, and I will show you by hiding my nose in re-reading one of my old books!

Please note that these pictures are taken before I alphabetized the books by author and loaded them onto a six-foot high shelf.

3.  HUGE Zucchini 

I'm not kidding.  A guy from Billy's work just thinks my husband is super awesome (which he is!) and is always bringing us yummy food-stuff.  First, he filled our freezer with deer-meat, which I have had fun experimenting with.  Then, today, he brought some of his veggies from his own garden for us!  I was really excited when Billy called because there is nothing I love more than organic food, especially if it's locally/home grown!
Billy said to me over the phone: "These zucchinis are very large!"  He lied.  They are not large.  They are bigger than my HEAD!

I am at a loss.  What to do?  How do you utilize such a humongous veggie!?
I'm looking forward to figuring this out.  Also, I will be very upset if any of you has ever cooked a vegetable this large and does not give me hints.  Very, very upset.

Thank you for the support with closing the blog designing.  I look forward to actually enjoying blogging again.  Also, I hope you enjoy the new design.  I'm pretty stoked about it.

Recovery

I haven't blogged for over TWO WEEKS.  I have been busy, but mostly I just have been recovering from the emotions that I put into my last blog post.  I know that it may not seem super emotional, but it was a bit taxing to write.

I've had lots of time to think and pray lately, and I have felt an overwhelming need to close the blog design shop.  I love blog designing, but our life right now does not have much room for it.  Just because it is something I can do does not mean it is something I should do.  That said, by next Monday (hopefully), you will see a new design to this blog, taking away any mention of blog design.  If you are one of the clients whose design I had to cancel, I thank you for your incredibly gracious responses.  

Anyway, I'm back!  With a fresh heart and an impending new look, I'm excited to share more with you all!  I'm so blessed by you and thank you for your sweet friendship!

The Problem with Confidence: The Journey, Part 2

Thanks for checking in on Part 2 of the the journey!  

If you haven't read Part 1, you can do so here!

•••

You can bet that I was hitting my time with God in a big way.  I was spending more time reading and praying than ever.  I was begging God for clues that he had not, in fact, dropped me out of the back of his mind, but I felt like I was getting nowhere.  Looking back, I see that God was allowing my brokenness because it was priming me for what he was about to do.  The time I spent with him started out as my desperate pleas to for him to answer my prayers, but somewhere along the line it changed to desperate pleas that if he didn't answer anything, that he would just show up.  This was the most crucial, most broken spot for me to sit in.

It was here, in my brokenness, that I got hit by a two-by-four with this verse written on it (ok, not literally, but it was kind-of dramatic for me): 

We are confident of all this because of our great trust in God through Christ.  It is not that we think we are qualified to do anything on our own. Our qualification comes from God.  --2 Corinthians 3:4-5

When I read that verse, I saw how inverted my faith had been.  Until this point in my life, I had not had to question where I placed my confidence.  If you had asked me before, I would have surely said "God," and meant it.  However, reading Paul say that he was only confident in God's ability and nothing else really surprised me.  They key is that he was confident in nothing else.  This is where the small seed of understanding planted itself.

I had to get down to the most core part of myself.  No more self-talk, assuring myself that it would all turn up how I wanted it.  I saw my prayers for what they were--Begging God to give me the life I had pictured.  I desperately wanted things to fall into place, and those exact words, of asking for things to "fall into place" had riddled my prayer life.

However, when I read this verse, I saw exactly where I was placing my confidence: in situations.  I was saying to God and myself, "If only I could be here, I would be satisfied."  I was placing my hope of satisfaction in life on the contingency that God would show up in the ways I thought he should.  I could say that I felt slapped across the face and God said, "Duh.  Who do you think you are to give ME contingencies?" but that would be DEAD wrong.  All of this realization did come on strong, but it came on gently.  I did not feel disciplined or chastised, only very loved. 

That moment I could say to God things that I didn't even know needed to be said before:
I have confidence in who you are and your perfect plan, and nothing else.  I don't have confidence in me--I have confidence in you in me.  I don't have confidence in my husband--I have confidence in you in my husband.  I don't have confidence in any plan, any recognition, or any promotion that the world gives us, no matter how bad or how good it looks.  In the deepest valley and on the highest mountain, I can feel the same satisfaction that I am yours and it is all part of your plan.

Feeling forgotten was no longer an issue, because that was the me that put my confidence in situations.  That feeling rested on the fact that my life did not look how I wanted it to.  This new understanding left no room for self-confidence or situation-confidence.  It only allowed for God-confidence. 

•••

I know that this part was a bit longer than Part 1, so thank you for sticking it through!  I'm hoping that though my journey was completely personal, you are finding things that connect to your own journey.  If you do, please let me know in a comment, or you can email me at contact[at]sarahannrogers[dot]com.  I would love to hear about your journey, and I thank you for being real with me!

Nesting

As of late, I have had an uncontrollable desire to nest (and no, I'm not even pregnant--don't you think you would know if I were?).  And when I say nest, I mean:  

"Dear Husband, I feel as if I need to spend some more money on our little home.  What?  Oh, no, it's not anything we need.  Just, you know, cute stuff for our walls.  What?  Oh, yes, I like the stuff already on our walls, I just want different stuff."

Now, even I know that it is a little unreasonable.  Just because I feel like nesting does not mean that my house is undecorated...  I just want to change it all!  Obviously, that's not happening anytime soon, because last time I checked, our budget does not have an unlimited "Nesting" category.

In an effort to recognize this and, in a sense, "count my blessings," I planned to do a post with pictures of the little things in my house that I already love and where I've already nested.  You know, because I'm always doing posts about what others need and that really is how we try to live our lives--recognizing how blessed we are and how much we can give.

I found TWO WHOLE THINGS to take pictures of!  That's good, right?  I mean, we are incredibly blessed, but my house is kind of messy (in my opinion), and so there wasn't much to photograph for today.

However, to stay true to my efforts, here are two small things that I do like in my little abode:

 These are hanging over my kitchen sink (which I could not get a picture of due to the dirty dishes).  And yes, they're fake plants.  So many people want to touch them to check.  Sorry that you must resist that urge.

The nightstand in the guest bedroom.  It's nothing special, but I love Paris and hydrangeas.  So, just kidding, it is something special.

Hey, I never said that this was a decorating blog.  It clearly is not!  But "nesting" has been SO overwhelming my thought life lately, and I thought it might be something you guys think about, too!  If it is, how do you control the URGE?

Tomorrow, we're back to the new blog series on My Journey.  

To catch up on part 1, read yesterday's post.

Forgotten - The Journey, Part 1

This is a series of blog posts chronicling my journey over the past year.  I'm doing it in parts because I have so much to say about all that God has done in my life, but I want it to be painstakingly real, and that's going to take quite a bit of space.

Welcome to Part 1 of my journey.

•••

My biggest struggle over the last year has been feeling as if God had forgotten me.  I never questioned if he was God or if I should obey him; I just thought that somehow, I had fallen out of the back of his mind.  Maybe I was low on his list.  I saw people taking the next steps in life and wondered why it seemed God had put our lives on hold.  I was so incredibly confused as to why people around me seemed to have the direction they'd prayed for.  I had prayed too, daily, for God to do in my life what he was doing in theirs.
You could have told me that those people had issues and questions with God's plan for their own lives, too, but that wouldn't have helped.  See, I didn't want anyone else to suffer.  I was so overwhelmingly happy for those around me, and I never wished that they would "not have" because I felt like God was withholding from me.  It was not envy that was eating me up... it was the loneliness of confusion.
I was desperate.  I was caught in the middle of so wanting to submit my life to God's will no matter what it looked like, and railing against God for not giving me answers--for not writing on the wall when we would be able to move forward with our lives. 
Whenever I would open up, people would give me the worst advice.  They were all telling me what to do, how I needed to approach God--all things I was pretty aware of already.  I was writing down Bible verses about not questioning God and how his thoughts were higher than ours.  I started to see God as cold and uncaring--I just needed to follow him because he said so.  I found no comfort, which I realize is what I needed most.  I was not doubting God's power, and I was not falling away from trusting in him; I was just emotionally exhausted.

 •••

For today, I'll just leave you with a hint that my journey from feeling forgotten into God's perfect peace has something to do with verses like this:

When you go through deep waters, I will be with you.  When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown.  When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up; the flames will not consume you....
No one can snatch anyone out of my hand.
--Isaiah 43:2,13

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