Restraint

I had a friend recently tell me, "You've seemed very restrained lately."  She didn't mean it as an insult, and I knew better than to take it as one.  However, when she told me that, I felt as if she'd explained my life over the past month.  For some reason, I feel as if there is a lot going on in my heart and mind and prayers that I just can't share yet.  It has nothing to do with negativity or nervousness, but I just feel a need to keep it inside of my own little bubble.  Eventually, I am sure to share with the whole world, and I will love when that time comes.  I'm not good at being a closed book.
However, I have been learning through my extra efforts to stay quiet and watchful.  I've been learning things that I think the rest of the world already knew, and maybe I just needed to keep my mouth shut to learn earlier on.

So, in proper list fashion (how could you think I'd do anything else!?),
here are things I've learned by shutting up:

1.  It's not all about me.  A lot of people have things to say, and if I don't always have something to add, life goes on.  People don't usually miss out on my opinions.  Recently, I haven't missed giving them all of the time.

2.  People say some funny things.  By being less talkative, I've had time to observe more.  Seeing the awkward and hilarious things that slip out of people's mouths is a huge warning sign to me.  Because I'm such a talker usually, that must happen to me all of the time.  Hopefully I've been able to provide some amusement in the past, and hopefully others have not felt as embarrassed for me as I think they probably have...

3.  Confidence comes with restraint.  My personality, like I said, tends to be an open book.  I like to talk everything, and I mean everything, out.  Usually, I prefer everything laid out on the table so that I can get advice, share my ideas, and have others give input so that I can move around the pieces until my ideas make absolutely everyone else happy, because happy people make me happy.  However, while being more quiet and more of a "closed book," I've learned that when I can only trust God to point me in a direction, it may scare me for a moment, but then I am more sure than I have ever been.  I find myself not second-guessing myself as much because when I'm sure, I know that God is giving me peace.  I'm learning to please him, not the world around me.

4.  Secrets between spouses are a great thing.  Having to just talk to Billy all of the time is really good for our relationship.  I've been able to see his incredible ability to lead and pray for our family.  I've been so impressed by his sensitivity to my feelings and needs while he also continues to not be swayed by my ever-changing emotions.  Trusting him has made me look at why I chose to spend my life with him, and I don't regret it for a moment.

Thanks for sharing my deep thoughts with me, friends!  I always get nervous to share, and you are always oh-so kind and loving.  I'm incredibly thankful for you.