31 days: Blurting

Make this your common practice:
Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you can live together whole and healed. 

I don't know where the notion came from, and I'm sure I was unaware of it until I'd unearthed it and held it in my lap:
If I don't say it out loud, if it doesn't seem like part of my character, whatever takes up residence in my thoughts is mine and mine alone.  If I judge, compare, or get frustrated only in my head, it's ok.

Long story short, I figured it out.
It's not ok.

Somehow, "figuring it out" didn't fix it all for me.
I still see something on Facebook that makes me feel left-out, less than, or just sad.
I still have moments when my skin gets uncomfortable on me, and I'd like to try on someone else's.

These moments, they can plague and taunt me.
The small frustration or bitterness or even self-loathing can bury itself somewhere deep and dark, and I carry it with me.

These thoughts can sneak up so quickly and bite so venomously that once I figured out they were hurting me, I had to make a game plan.

My solution: Blurt it out.
...to the closest person possible.
99.9% of the time, this happens to be my husband.

I tell him what's going on because I already know it's not ok.
No judgment, no shame.

It's become such a normal practice for us, he can just look at me and know when I'm comparing or feeling icky in my spirit.

It's not simple, it's not fun, it's not something I look forward to.
It's like throwing up... the acidic, bad-for-you stuff leaving the body... It's gross.
But the more I practice, the moment the words leave my mouth,
so does the guilt and shame, the frustration, the comparison, and the burden of the sin.

My shoulders feel lighter and I can sit up straighter and live in the light.
No hiding, no fear.

31 days: Anniversary

Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.
For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord.

I woke up a couple of minutes before him the other day.
Trying not to rustle the sheets, I curled my knees into my stomach, pulled the covers under my chin, and I watched in fascination.
This man, he is mine.
And I am his.

He used to have a certain smell.  I'd swipe his sweatshirts to wear when he wasn't around just so that I could feel him there when I inhaled.  Comfort and love and the perfect amount of butterflies in my stomach all resulted from breathing in that scent.

It's gone now, his smell.
Whether it's his pillow or mine, it's the same scent.
We have a home, we have a baby, we are a family.
I walk into our sweet house, and I breathe us in.
We've created this feel.  The air, the smell, the comfort, it's ours.

I take a deep breath, and my lungs expand, and I know I'm home, and it's forever, and Jesus is in this.

Three years ago, I committed my life to this man.
I had no idea what that would mean.
I didn't know that submitting to him would make me stronger as a woman.

I didn't know that I would sob in the wee hours of the night and he would hold my puffy face and kiss it and then that we would worship and our tears would mingle and that I would learn more about Christ than I ever knew.

I didn't know that he would protect my heart with gentle guidance.
I didn't know I'd rely desperately on his arms upholding me.

I didn't know what a choice it is to lay your life at another's feet, trusting God that He'll use that action to further His will.

I had no idea.

You've changed my world, my husband.
My whole world.

My heart is yours forever.

Retrospection

We've been married for 3 years in October, and I am in head-over-heels love with my husband.
This does not mean, however, that we have not had moments where I was completely overwhelmed by our situation or wondered what God was thinking.  Actually, I still have those days now.

I'm incredibly thankful that I am in a very passionate, almost cheesily romantic relationship, because it has often been the fuel God has given us to push through moments that we don't understand.
It's amazing to be able to look back at the past 3 years and see where God was growing us.  We've had moments where we knew that ALL we had to hold onto was God's goodness and the relationship He'd gifted us with.  As a wife, I've had prayer times committing to God that I trusted Him above all else, submitting to Billy because that's what God calls me to do, and fully believing that God honors the family structure He's created.  Time and again, God not only shows up at the end of our confusion, but we can see in hindsight that He was molding us the whole way through.

I'm thankful for a God who is intimately involved in our processes, not just our end results.
I look forward to a life full of them.

via

Love Story

It may be my pregnancy hormones or my hopelessly romantic heart, but I just melted at this story. True, lasting love... ahh.  So sweet. 

Taken from msnbc.com

An Iowa couple who was married for 72 years died one hour apart last week in the hospital as they held hands.

Family said the story of Gordon and Norma Yeager is a real-life love story.

On the day she graduated from high school, Norma Stock said yes to Gordon Yeager's marriage proposal. The couple got married on May 26, 1939 in State Center.

"They're very old-fashioned. They believed in marriage til death do you part," said son Dennis Yeager.

Dennis Yeager was the youngest of four children born to the couple. His sister Donna was first born.

"Staying together for 72 years is good, I'd say that's exceptional," said Donna Sheets.

The way the kids tell it, dad was the life of the party while mom kept everything together.

"Anybody come over -- she was the hostess with the mostess. She just seriously -- the more she did -- the more she smiled," said Dennis Yeager. "Dad would be the center of attention, like, 'Weee look at me,' and mom was like 'get him away from me!' You know we even got a picture like that."

Norma didn't really want the distance, and family said she hardly left Gordon's side for 72 years.

"They just loved being together. Everybody argues once in awhile, but they still, he said 'I have to stick around. I can't go until she does because I have to stay here for her and she would say the same thing,'" said Dennis Yeager.

Dennis Yeager said the couple left home last Wednesday to go into town, but they didn't make it.

At the intersection of Highway 30 and Jessup Avenue just west of Marshalltown, state troopers said Gordon pulled in front of an oncoming car.

"I rushed from Des Moines where I was working and saw them in the hospital," said Dennis Yeager.

In the intensive care unit of Marshalltown's hospital, nurses knew not to separate Gordon and Norma.

"They brought them in the same room in intensive care and put them together -- and they were holding hands in ICU. They were not really responsive," said Dennis Yeager.

Gordon died at 3:38 p.m. holding hands with his wife as the family they built surrounded them.

"It was really strange, they were holding hands, and dad stopped breathing but I couldn't figure out what was going on because the heart monitor was still going," said Dennis Yeager. "But we were like, he isn't breathing. How does he still have a heart beat? The nurse checked and said that's because they were holding hands and it's going through them. Her heart was beating through him and picking it up."

"They were still getting her heartbeat through him," said Donna Sheets.

At 4:48 p.m., exactly one hour after Gordon died, Norma passed too.

"Neither one of them would've wanted to be without each other. I couldn't figure out how it was going to work," said Donna Sheets. "We were very blessed, honestly, that they went this way."

"They just loved being together," said Dennis Yeager.

At their funeral on Tuesday, Norma and Gordon held hands in their casket. Family said they will be cremated and their ashes mixed together.

Restraint

I had a friend recently tell me, "You've seemed very restrained lately."  She didn't mean it as an insult, and I knew better than to take it as one.  However, when she told me that, I felt as if she'd explained my life over the past month.  For some reason, I feel as if there is a lot going on in my heart and mind and prayers that I just can't share yet.  It has nothing to do with negativity or nervousness, but I just feel a need to keep it inside of my own little bubble.  Eventually, I am sure to share with the whole world, and I will love when that time comes.  I'm not good at being a closed book.
However, I have been learning through my extra efforts to stay quiet and watchful.  I've been learning things that I think the rest of the world already knew, and maybe I just needed to keep my mouth shut to learn earlier on.

So, in proper list fashion (how could you think I'd do anything else!?),
here are things I've learned by shutting up:

1.  It's not all about me.  A lot of people have things to say, and if I don't always have something to add, life goes on.  People don't usually miss out on my opinions.  Recently, I haven't missed giving them all of the time.

2.  People say some funny things.  By being less talkative, I've had time to observe more.  Seeing the awkward and hilarious things that slip out of people's mouths is a huge warning sign to me.  Because I'm such a talker usually, that must happen to me all of the time.  Hopefully I've been able to provide some amusement in the past, and hopefully others have not felt as embarrassed for me as I think they probably have...

3.  Confidence comes with restraint.  My personality, like I said, tends to be an open book.  I like to talk everything, and I mean everything, out.  Usually, I prefer everything laid out on the table so that I can get advice, share my ideas, and have others give input so that I can move around the pieces until my ideas make absolutely everyone else happy, because happy people make me happy.  However, while being more quiet and more of a "closed book," I've learned that when I can only trust God to point me in a direction, it may scare me for a moment, but then I am more sure than I have ever been.  I find myself not second-guessing myself as much because when I'm sure, I know that God is giving me peace.  I'm learning to please him, not the world around me.

4.  Secrets between spouses are a great thing.  Having to just talk to Billy all of the time is really good for our relationship.  I've been able to see his incredible ability to lead and pray for our family.  I've been so impressed by his sensitivity to my feelings and needs while he also continues to not be swayed by my ever-changing emotions.  Trusting him has made me look at why I chose to spend my life with him, and I don't regret it for a moment.

Thanks for sharing my deep thoughts with me, friends!  I always get nervous to share, and you are always oh-so kind and loving.  I'm incredibly thankful for you.