Feeding Time Reflections

My little man screams, waking up from his nap earlier than usual, wanting me.

I inhale, free my hands and march upstairs to fulfill my duty.

We settle in because he's hungry, and only I can do this, and daddy's still at church leading worship because we went to the early service.

I slide my eyelids down and take in this moment.

Honest truth:  The first thought that comes into my brain is not, "Thank you Jesus for the blessings you've given me."
Sometimes, that is my thought.
Right now, it's not.

Right now, a prayer rises from the depths of my heart and I remind my God of His own Word:

The LORD will guide you continually, giving you water when you are dry and restoring your strength. You will be like a well-watered garden, like an ever-flowing spring.

I ask, He gives.  Just that quickly.  I am restored and watered and I am gifted with just enough grace for this moment, for this day.

Being ever aware of my cracked, weary parts means that I can always be quenched, that I can day-to-day, moment-to-moment, tap into the Spirit's restoration versus my own reminder to get myself together.  My perfectionism takes away from the grace of God.  My inabilities, my weaknesses, they allow it.

His grace restores me best when I'm able to admit that I'm dry, that I have need.

He's an ever-flowing spring, and He came to heal the sick.  He's more than aware that I will never get to the place where I don't need more watering, more healing, more restoring.

Liam pauses his eating and looks up at me, smiling, adoring.  God's grace, God's quenching.
I take another deep breath, and I smile back.  Fully restored, in just a moment.

just one.

God sticks his head out of heaven. He looks around. He's looking for someone not stupid - one man, even, God-expectant, just one God-ready woman.

                                       -Psalm 53:2

This is a hard one. I want to be the one that God sees, the one that is God-ready and God-expectant. But so many times I know I am not. My focus strays, and I become lost in myself or the things of this world.

I am ashamed.

God is looking, searching, hoping to find just one person that is fully willing and completely devoted to Him. Am I fully devoted to do His will? All of me wants to say "Yes! I will follow wherever He leads me!" But I get so lost, I get so blinded, so quickly.

Aren't we all like this? We are hopeless creatures wandering around in a dry, helpless place. But there is hope for us. When it seems like all else is lost, God comes through. He sees our barren-ness. He knows we have nothing to offer. He is not blind... we are. If I could look at myself everyday, and see my emptiness and hopelessness and need for God, and then go to Him in all of my understanding, I would be made more complete than if I worked and worked toward perfection on my own. And once God makes me perfect in His sight by His grace, I can be fully willing and devoted, even in all of my flaws. I can finally become the one that He wants, with His help.

The fact that I can sacrifice my(imperfect)self to Him and bring Him glory through it... is the greatest news I have ever heard.