Halfway

Liam has been out in the world for over six months now.

It's a painful kind of happiness to know that I'll never have this first half year of his existence back.  I find myself grieving over those first moments all while rooting him on as he grows and discovers new territories.

Nothing has surprised me more about motherhood than the conflicting emotions that run over me daily...

I'm exhausted and can't wait for bedtime, yet when he goes down to sleep, I miss holding him.

I am thrilled watching him push for more growth, more accomplishment, but there are moments that I almost want to hold him back, not let him do any more, keep him just the same as he is now.

And as Lisa Jo Baker reminded me, I've lost a part of my identity that I must grieve, yet I have found a part of myself expand with love, protection, and I am learning how to be this new mother me.

Oh, how this little life has changed me so much already.  And we're only halfway to a year.

Happy six months, sweet boy.


(this is my everyday... sigh)