The word terrifies me. To have it, to not have it.
I'm generally unbalanced like that.
I am forever, always, unquenchably chasing after the next, the new, the achievement over the hill. Change, I think... I'm craving change.
I'm terrified of not changing.
Sitting in one spot, faithful at the small things, not always and forever pushing for more, for shiny, for different... scary.
To even think the word "change" whets my appetite.
What's next? Where to? Let's go.
But sometimes, I'm learning, it's not always about the change. It's about the sameness. And how God lives here, too. He is in the big, in the loud, and in the silent, the slow, the moment when I feel like nothing is in our future, like I'll be right here forever, like there will be no change.
There's the drive to change.
And then there's the determination to abide, to sit, to wait.
And I let His presence wash over me in the stillness.
