Five Minute Friday: Change

Change.

The word terrifies me.  To have it, to not have it.

I'm generally unbalanced like that.

I am forever, always, unquenchably chasing after the next, the new, the achievement over the hill.  Change, I think... I'm craving change.

I'm terrified of not changing.

Sitting in one spot, faithful at the small things, not always and forever pushing for more, for shiny, for different... scary.

To even think the word "change" whets my appetite.
What's next?  Where to?  Let's go.

But sometimes, I'm learning, it's not always about the change.  It's about the sameness.  And how God lives here, too.  He is in the big, in the loud, and in the silent, the slow, the moment when I feel like nothing is in our future, like I'll be right here forever, like there will be no change.

There's the drive to change.
And then there's the determination to abide, to sit, to wait.
And I let His presence wash over me in the stillness.

I lost my heart in Mexico

I grew up part-time on the border of Texas and Mexico, and we spent 99% of our summers there traveling around the country.  I hated Laredo, Texas, but I loved everything in Mexico.  The culture, the people, their expressiveness and their loveliness, all of it.  When we first moved back to SC, I would smile at every Mexican I saw and just feel as if they should know my heart!  I wanted to hug each and every one of them because they reminded me of home.

Last weekend, Billy and I went out to the neighborhood we visit each month.  We take a team people out there and usually just play with the kids and befriend the adults.  The neighborhood we visit is made up of mostly poor American families, but a couple of Mexican families are peppered into the mix, though we don't often see them when we go out there.  This time, however, we got to meet the sweetest little nine-year-old girl.  She was actually born in the US, but her parents were Mexican.  I had the privilege of talking to her and her mom for quite some time, and I felt my heart start to beat again in a way it hadn't in a long time.  There is just something so special and gentle about that culture... not to mention this particular story they were telling me - it would break anybody's heart.

The little girl started off by telling me that they were so excited to live in this neighborhood now because the last two places they'd lived had rats... big ones, she said, showing me with her hands spread wide.  I simply nodded past the lump in my throat.

Then, I talked to the mom.  She immediately told me that her husband was in jail, and had been for nine months.  She speaks absolutely no English and her only income is babysitting for other Mexican families.  I could only imagine how little they were paying her.  I asked if I could pray with her, and she just started crying.  Of course, I prayed in English, and she couldn't even understand, yet she was so grateful. 
I asked them if they needed anything, and all she asked for were napkins.  She was almost shy about it, as if afraid to ask for too much.  I walked her over to our car because I knew we'd brought a few rolls of paper towels with us.  I opened the trunk and saw that we had a few more things - water bottles, trash bags, and paper plates.  I asked her if she would like them, and she kept nodding, eyes growing larger and larger.  We found a shopping cart sitting around (don't ask me why), and Billy hauled the stuff into the cart and we walked it down to her house.

When we got there, she proudly opened her door so that we could bring everything inside.  What I saw there just broke my heart.  It was almost identical to some of the poorest situations I'd seen in actual Mexico.  Somehow, though, with honest pride, she had put up lacy window-coverings and things were nicely folded and noticeably cleaned.

I walked away from her house feeling desperately overwhelmed.  We have been going out to this neighborhood once a month for over a year now, and I had never felt this emotionally attached this quickly.  The hugs I got from the mother and little girl were whole and sincere and just brought tears to my eyes.  They revived the piece of me that I'd left in Mexico years and years ago.

I wish I could tell you that we were doing all we could to help.  I mean, we are, but I feel as if it is not enough, because, frankly, it's not.  Nothing we can do will release her husband from jail and get him a job stable enough to support them.  We cannot move them from where they are.  We can only love on them, which I promise we will.  I will just have to settle with that, knowing that it's just not enough, trusting God that his heart beats for them even more than mine.

The Heart of It All

Well, as promised, today I'm sharing a bit of my heart on Bon Blog Designs and the changes I'm making.

I have been designing for about a year now, and I just love it.  It is a great outlet of creativity, and I get to know some awesome bloggers so well.  I love having the opportunity to help others and see their vision for their blogs.  Plus, I just feel as if I'm having a blast every time, and that makes it all worth it.

The other day, however, I was reading this lovely lady's blog and some of the organizations that she has on there, and I mentioned to Billy, "I wish I could start a business that just helped fight a cause."  Immediately, I felt God screaming into my head: "You already have a business."  And, then, not immediately, I prayed about it.  I talked to Billy about it.  He prayed about it.  We didn't need to take all of that time to think and pray; we pretty much knew what the next step was.

Also, oddly enough, I didn't have to think very hard about where to send the money.  I actually am not revealing that yet.  I'm still communicating with the organization, but hopefully by Wednesday, I'll be able to share with you all where the proceeds from Bon Blog Designs are all going.

I don't think that my consistent readers would be very surprised because you all know where my heart's at.  I'm more surprised that we haven't chosen to do this earlier.  I'm excited to share more about where the money's going.  Just know that it has something to do with Anti-Slavery and Prostitution.  (Again, who's surprised?!)

Total Eclipse of the Heart

When I was younger, and my dad was a missionary, we used to do street ministry, and one of the dramas was to the song of "Total Eclipse of the Heart"... I almost titled this post "Turn Around," but I just couldn't do it without thinking of that awful eighties song.  Some of you might love it, but hearing it 5600 times every summer makes your realize JUST how awful it really is.

That was entirely random and has nothing to do with this post.

I feel as if I'm always blogging about change.  I've had a change of heart, I've changed my mind, etc.  Every few weeks, I feel like change is coming around.  Now, I don't know if this is just my personality looking ahead to something new and getting excited about what's to come.  It might be.  Really, though, I think I should just blame life.  And I say, Thank God for Change.  I don't know, I just think that a consistent realization that I need to grow or mold in an area is good, it's right, and it's just a tiny bit exhausting.

Well, again, recently, I've been feeling more change coming on.  Obviously, life just happens, and big things change it.  And the change has been lots of that, but it's also been lots of my heart and my mind.

First, a life thing:  one of my very best friends, who I threw the baby shower for, is due TODAY!  I know that her life is about to change, and I feel as if our lives are about to get just a little bit sweeter because of this new life.  Not to mention, now, even my husband has baby fever, which he told me very strongly last night ("I want one, Sarah.  I want one really bad."  It was so cute that I didn't even correct his grammar to "badly").

 

I totally didn't watermark this picture.  No time.  If you'd like to steal it, go ahead.

Also, I've been losing weight.  I bet ya'll didn't even know.  But I've been working incredibly hard and so far, I've lost a good amount.  I've lost almost all of the happy marriage weight I put on and my jeans are fitting.  Sorry, no pictures here. 

Most recently, however, I've had a huge burden on my heart for a big change coming up with Bon Blog Designs.  I'm not quite ready to share, but I ask that you would join with me in prayer as I take the next few steps, and then definitely share with you all on Monday what's been going on.  Don't worry, nothing bad.  Also, I've been having more business than ever really, and that's thanks to all of you guys for spreading the word.  You're so lovely, and I can't wait to share it with you.

Project Backpack

This year, we had our 2nd Annual "Project Backpack" with our church.  All we do is buy bookbags and school supplies, pack them together, and hand them out around our community.  This year, we had 500 bags, and next year we will definitely need more.

We packed all 500 bags in 45 minutes on Saturday.

We put these fliers in so that they would feel free to come and get to know us better!

Billy and I got to take a team out to our block (which I've written about before - but we go once a month) and we saw some of our friends out there.  Being able to bless people we already know and love was amazing.  This is one of our favorite families.

We toted around as many bags as we could get.  Some families needed up to 15 bags!

This family was on our block also.  One of the families from our church has fallen in love with this family, and they called them before we came so they'd be expecting us. 

It feels so good to pour out.  You feel as if you've been more full even though you're so empty.

The Suspense!

Today, in 30 minutes exactly, I'm going to get my hair cut and colored.  It may not seem like a big deal, but I do not color my hair often.  I'm super excited, and way nervous!  I can't wait to see it!  I'm not doing anything too drastic, and I hope it doesn't turn out like:

or

Ok, so I'm not that worried, but I am a little anxious.  I'm only getting a few highlights and a trim, but I have thick, brown, curly hair that puts a confused, scared, "what do I do?!?" look on most hairstylists' faces.  

That being said, it shows how much I really trust my hair girl.  She really is awesome, and did this awesome hair-do for my wedding:

Yeah, she's amazing.

Anyway, I'm just in want of a change, but I feel a bit crazy!  Wish me luck!

Changes

It's funny how much change can do to you.  I have some changes coming up, and I'm so stoked about them that I want to make other changes.  I've updated my iCal, made a hair appointment, bought a cute car decal (which I have yet to put on... but that's coming), updated my budget, made some new resolutions for what I want to do in small group, and scheduled for a nose job.  (Ok, no nose job, but I just wanted one more to kinda send it over the edge).

No, but really, I have had a great learning experience in the last year, and I have come out a new and more humbled person.  I have taken a little time making a change, but I'm excited about it, for all parties included.  It's not fully carried out yet, and it will take some time to prepare for, but I'm glad.  There's a time for everything, and I'm glad it seems to be time for change.  I love it.

Maybe I'm just weird, but change always makes me feel free.