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Saturday, January 9, 2010


I'm not writing about John Mayer; just a disclaimer.

I'm writing about prayer.  Lately, I have had some pretty big things on my heart and my mind and spirit.  And when I say big, I don't mean in an exciting way.  Lately, I have been driven to my knees as a result of the new reality I have become aware of.  In this new reality, there are problems that are so much bigger than me and I have no control or say over them, and I'm really bad at dealing with being out of control.  Because of this, I have been seeking God more than ever before.  I have been addicted to the Word because it is actually equipping my Spirit and I have been addicted to prayer because I have nowhere else to go, and I have been going to God because I could see how clearly he was needed in this.  And you know what I found?  Nope, there was no assurance that this problem would just go away.  In fact, I felt the 'gravity' of this situation, and of so many other situations that I had ignored so easily before.  I feel like my eyes have been open to the smallest glimpse of how God sees these things.  So many things that I just pass by are so much bigger to God.  He cares about each person and each sin, and his heart breaks over every single thing that separates him from the ones he loves.  And even more, he wants us to care too.  He desires to open our eyes and communicate with us as we seek him.  This overwhelmed me and sometimes I felt myself just wanting to cry.  The most amazing thing about this realization, though, is that it came with peace as I continued to pray (and I mean pray and pray and pray - I was really overwhelmed).  The peace overcame me because as I saw how big things were to God, I say how much he wanted to equip us to be his hands or his feet or his voice.  And even though it should make me nervous, it doesn't, because I know he really wants healing and truth for his own and I know he wants to use those who are willing.  And, of course, this drives me to more prayer because I want to know what exactly he wants to me do.... It's a vicious cycle - a wonderful, happy, redeeming cycle.