As excited I am about the new year and all of it's changes, I felt like the lovely holiday break from my over-crazy schedule reminded me that I was a real person. I wanted to wave at the friendly smile I saw every morning and go, "Hi, love! I've missed you! There she is!" It's true. I had missed myself. I got to vacuum more than once over the past three weeks. My hair and makeup have been getting a little extra TLC. My time with Jesus has been superb. I like having free time.
Because of the drastic change in pace I'm about to face, as I approached this new year, all I could see was a looming cloud come over my approaching schedule. All of the pressure that I felt lifting over the holidays slammed right back onto my shoulders. I knew that my capacity was at a 5, my responsibilities were at a 10, and there was absolutely nothing I could do but try my best to remember to exhale. Even as I'm typing this, my heart is starting to beat a little faster, and I can feel wetness stinging behind my eyes.
Enter my poor, sweet, strong, fix-it-all husband. Last night, I was boo-hoo-ing to him with what I was just whining to you all about, and he asked if he could pray over me. God knew I needed it, so I said yes, my eyes still slightly weepy and my nose and lips puffy and red. Adding to that, it was late. I couldn't tell you the words of his prayer, and I sniffled throughout the whole thing, but when he was done, I felt calm. I don't mean that I felt like it was all going to go away. In fact, I know that it's not. I'm not sure how I am going to handle it, still. But last night, after Billy's prayer, God reminded me sweetly of a verse in one of my favorite chapters in the Bible:
My new new year's resolution? Let God water me. Run to him for restoration, because I already feel the weakness drowning my self-driven efforts. Relax because if I am truly living out his plan for my life, he will give me the grace to handle it.The Lord will guide you continually,giving you water when you are dry and restoring your strength.You will be like a well-watered garden,like an ever-flowing spring. (Isaiah 58:11)
Well-watered gardens produce good fruit. Replenished ground is not cracked. I don't want to live in a state of drought unless He takes me there for a reason. I want to do more than survive. I want to thrive and grow and be guided by strength that is bigger than mine.
Sweet, sweet restoration.