Hugs On Demand

Liam is going to be TEN MONTHS old in December.
Sometimes, I glance over at him, and I see a little boy instead of a baby.
It's bittersweet, this mommy thing.

Things I'm loving about Liam right where he's at:

Hugs on demand.

Hugs not on demand.

A super cute new smile that involves squinting his whole face from top to bottom.

His awkward attempts at sign language and my awkward attempts at understanding them.

His preference for Billy and me over anyone else.

The way he bounces in my arms when we watch Billy drive up toward our house.

His new-found love of all of his books and the way he hugs them close to his face.

How he's just chubby enough to not yet own a neck.

Sweet, sweet trusting baby blues and that little mouth and those perfectly dirty chubby hands that reach for me...
What a precious, exhausting, overwhelming, glorious gift I've been given.

Because being a Mom can be hard...

I firmly believe that God knows my comings and my goings and that He is lovingly teaching me something in each season.

I also believe that there are some seasons that are common.  And sometimes, those seasons are just plain harder than others, and it's normal for them to be that way.

I wish I could fling open the doors of the Christian women world and proclaim:
"It's ok if you don't always have things together, because you are living life, and because life can be hard!"

I felt like the first couple of months of motherhood often saw me drained of the ability to give much to anyone except for my baby.  I had moments when I only had enough capacity to make sure he was taken care of.

I should have understood that this was more than normal.  I should have reminded myself that all through life, there are different stages (and even different days) that just will take more out of us than others.

However, all I could feel was guilt and shame.  The burden of my desires versus my capacity weighed down on my shoulders.  Even as I type, I feel it teasing to jump right back on if I do not choose to cast it off.

I have multiple friends who just recently had babies.  If I could say anything to a brand new mom, it would be that sometimes, being the best mom possible will take everything you have.  Sometimes, it takes all your energy.  Sometimes, you have little left to give, and God only fills you for that day's tasks.  This is ok!  It's easier to find joy for the moment God has equipped you for without worrying about tomorrow.

There is no guilt in that, no shame.  There may be lonely days.  It can be hard.  It can be thankless, yet it is also possibly one of the most all-encompassing ministries you can even think of taking on.  It is fulfilling in the biggest possible way and draining at the very same moment.

Thankfully, we can be relieved by the fact that our Father created these processes.  He knows that there are moments when we feel like we have more to give and moments when our children need all of us.   Somehow, He made motherhood so rewarding that we wouldn't want it any other way. 

Thanks, Dreampop Media for taking pictures of us.

Halfway

Liam has been out in the world for over six months now.

It's a painful kind of happiness to know that I'll never have this first half year of his existence back.  I find myself grieving over those first moments all while rooting him on as he grows and discovers new territories.

Nothing has surprised me more about motherhood than the conflicting emotions that run over me daily...

I'm exhausted and can't wait for bedtime, yet when he goes down to sleep, I miss holding him.

I am thrilled watching him push for more growth, more accomplishment, but there are moments that I almost want to hold him back, not let him do any more, keep him just the same as he is now.

And as Lisa Jo Baker reminded me, I've lost a part of my identity that I must grieve, yet I have found a part of myself expand with love, protection, and I am learning how to be this new mother me.

Oh, how this little life has changed me so much already.  And we're only halfway to a year.

Happy six months, sweet boy.


(this is my everyday... sigh)

Milestones

Our little Liam has hit all of his milestones with flying colors, and quickly.  Sometimes, it feels all to fast for this mommy.  While I'm trying to extract every part of his sweet babyhood, in first-born fashion, he's racing ahead before I'm ready for it.

There's one milestone, though, that I wouldn't give up for the world: his personality.

We keep a bib on him most times because he drools rivers down his chin, 

especially when he's trying to tell us something.

He doesn't like staying put, and I'm pretty sure he's super jealous of all of his crawler friends.

Liam's feet are a main attraction at the Rogers household these days.

And not just for Baby.  I (not-so-secretly) love them, too.

I'm not sure how often he closes his mouth.  He's pretty much talking non-stop.

This is exactly the face he makes when I go into his room in the morning.

Grumpiness no longer exists in my world.

Real food... another milestone that makes me slightly weepy.

What a childhood we have ahead of us.  I would say I can't wait, but really, I'm pretty happy with right where he is.  I can wait.  Today is exactly what I want to spend kissing little cheeks, wiping away little tears (among other things), and smiling back at the little boy who has a tight grip on our heart.

Pure Sweetness!

So, I've been gone for a little while.  I've been a little preoccupied.

First, the end of pregnancy was completely mentally and physically exhausting for me.  We moved into a new house when I was 36 weeks pregnant (pictures to come!), and that took up lots of my time and energy.

Also, on February 18th, we welcomed our sweet little Liam into the world! 

We're SO in love with him, and he's consumed pretty much all of my time since (which I've happily given, of course)!

I know you are dying to see him, so I've been taking lots of pictures:

This was the night he was born!

Already, my iPhone is telling me I'm low on storage... I'm a little obsessed with snapping pictures of his sweet face!

I may remain a bit preoccupied, but I'll be back so very soon!  I just couldn't wait any longer to share our wonderful news!