Christmas!

My family is so wonderful!  On Christmas Eve, I got to be with my dad's family, the Richards.  That's always fun.  We eat yummy steaks from Burbages and open presents from my grandparents.  Then, we all go get dressed for the Christmas Eve service with Northwood Church.  It was amazing, and I think that once the service was over, there was not a dry eye in the whole place!  Even Billy cried, and he looked so handsome.  It's fun when we dress up together.

On Christmas day, we made the trek up to Columbia, SC, to visit with my mom's side of the family.  Her sister, Katie, just had a gorgeous little girl in November, Anna Kate, and it was so fun to see how much she had grown.  And of course, her son, Adam, who is now a year and a half, was so fun and adorable.  We ate prime rib and it was amazing.

I'd venture to say that my favorite part of this holiday season was the day after Christmas.  Billy and I had made a date because we didn't get to see each other much over actual Christmas and we wanted to give each other our gifts.  I was really nervous about the iPod classic I had gotten him; I'm not sure why... Anyway, when he got to my house and I came outside, there was this huge pile of snow in my front yard.  Yep, snow!  I had never made a snowman, and he knew that, so he found a way (I'm not going to tell you, you'll have to ask him) to get snow and bring it to me in our South Carolina weather (where it doesn't snow).  So, we got off to making a snowman, and he was really little, but he was so cute.  By the time we got back from our date (at California Dreaming) he was a lot littler than when we left, due to the warm weather we've been experiencing. But oh, was it wonderful and romantic and oh so fun.  Anyway, he also got me 2 tickets to a harbor cruise, which I have always wanted to go on.  I think we're going to go on Valentine's Day... I love being in love, and I love him so much!  Christmas this year was amazing!!!!!

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Taking It Seriously

When you come to worship me, who asked you to parade through my courts with all your ceremony? Stop bringing me your meaningless gifts... I want no more of your pious meetings.  When you lift up your hands in prayer, I will not look.  Though you offer many prayers, I will not listen, for your hands are covered with the blood of innocent victims.  Wash yourselves and be clean!  Get your sins out of my sight.  Give up your evil ways.  Learn to do good.  Seek justice.  Help the oppressed.  Defend the cause of orphans.  Fight for the rights of widows.

Isaiah 1:12-13, 15-17

I don't think I have taken God very seriously.  I am the perfect example of the first part of this passage.  My worship is extravagant.  People see that I am a follower of God through the services I attend, the excellence of my church, the relevance of our message in culture.... And somehow, when I read these verses, I feel like I am not even close to doing what God wants of me.  My worship, though awesome and "pretty" is nothing at all.  Not that I do not have this desire inside of me to please God and follow him, I do, really.  But then, as I type that, I truly wonder, do I?  I have been reading this book Red Letters that talks about really living out our faith, and not just in our "everyday Christian" ways.  I can so tell myself that I am doing a good job.  I do not watch things that I shouldn't.  I have a pure relationship with my boyfriend.  I encourage others to follow God and I live in a "righteous" manner.  But there is so much that I am missing.  I feel like the nation of Israel that God is addressing in this first chapter of Isaiah.  He is saying to me, personally, that my worship, my acts, my ceremony, my committment, isn't enough.  And I know that there are those out there that would comfort me and say, that yes, I am doing all I can, and I live a good life, because I have been that person to comfort others in their normalcy.  I want to think that there is nothing to worry about because everybody can see that I am different, and that I try to "sin less".  But I can't miss God's heartbeat in the last part of these verses, and I have to say that his heart is not in our ceremonies, not in our lifting of hands, not in the excellent environments we create for his worship.  His heart is in our going and in our giving.  And he takes it seriously.  His words are strong and he repeats it over and over throughout the Bible.  He calls his true followers not to make or put on a show for him, but to go and be like him.  Worship, yes, is wonderful and an integral part of intimacy with our Maker, but I have to question myself if I can truly worship God in fullness if I am not going or doing the absolute most I can to "do good... help the oppressed... defend the cause of orphans... fight for the rights of widows..."

I'll end with this.  When I think of giving, I wonder how much is enough.  How much can I give to meet the "good Christian"  quota?  Well, I came upon this quote from C.S. Lewis, and it completely convicted my heart:

I do not believe one can settle how much we ought to give. I am afraid the only safe rule is to give more than we can spare.

It's been awhile.

There are so many reasons I have not blogged in months. As I will soon have LOTS of down time, I am going to try and do more. However, a breif list of why I haven't been blogging (and I will expand later):
1. Mononucleousis - This frustrating virus that has dragged itself out in my body for way to long.
2. Busyness- with school and work and being sick, blogging was not a priority
3. Conviction - this is definitely one I will back up later, but I have not blogged because I feel convicted about some things... mainly my motives for blogging and my recent attempt to shift my focus off of myself...
Anyway, I'm off today to get an ultrasound on my spleen... Cause of that number one...
More to come, later.

Watching Myself

Alright, so I would love to say that I thought up this wonderful, deep idea and wanted to share it.  Really, that's not true.  I read it.  But it's so good, and I had to comment on it, but I'll probably be including lots of quotes from what I'm reading.

Again, this is from Metamorpha.  I'm so into this book.  Really, not everything in it has me captured, but I like the ideas, and I am impressed.

So I was reading, still in the beginning part of the book, and I see where the author (Strobel), begins to talk about his struggle with prayer.  He says that he wanted to tell somebody about the importance of prayer, but later that night, he had a heart to heart with God.  He says, "I didn't believe that prayer worked."  And he's not saying this because he really believed that prayer was a stupid idea, he was saying that he, personally, deep down, did not believe that prayer worked for him.  And he came to this conclusion; it was not some idea he carried around about the invalidity of prayer.

This really impacted me.  The next quote was so true, and even though it's something I've heard before, it hit me again:

"Finding out what you really believe is simple: look at your life.  Where do you spend the most energy and time?  What actions or practices make up your day?  What's missing?  Suffice it to say there is something profoundly self-contradictory about believing on the one hand that God hears and answers prayer and, on the other, simply not getting around to praying."

How many things do I say that I believe in, that are foundations of my faith, that I don't carry out one hundred percent?  Do I pray about everything in my life that I know I need God in?  Do I seek his face in every area?  Do I consistently look for ways to help others?  These are all things that I have claimed are basic elements of what I believe and have devoted my life to.  But I don't always do them to the extent that God deserves.  Who am I to take away time and dedication from him to do "me" concerned things?  Who do I think I am?

"The only real way to determine my beliefs is to see how I live week in and week out."

I guess I'm on a journey to see what I believe, and perhaps to re-align my actions to follow some of the beliefs that I have neglected.  I'm excited about new chances, the privilege to do work for God, and upcoming relationships to be had and developed.

Changes

It's funny how much change can do to you.  I have some changes coming up, and I'm so stoked about them that I want to make other changes.  I've updated my iCal, made a hair appointment, bought a cute car decal (which I have yet to put on... but that's coming), updated my budget, made some new resolutions for what I want to do in small group, and scheduled for a nose job.  (Ok, no nose job, but I just wanted one more to kinda send it over the edge).

No, but really, I have had a great learning experience in the last year, and I have come out a new and more humbled person.  I have taken a little time making a change, but I'm excited about it, for all parties included.  It's not fully carried out yet, and it will take some time to prepare for, but I'm glad.  There's a time for everything, and I'm glad it seems to be time for change.  I love it.

Maybe I'm just weird, but change always makes me feel free.