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Saturday, February 20, 2010
Sueño, part 1
In high school Spanish I had to do a project called "Sueño," which means dream. On a poster board, we had to list out some dreams we had in Spanish, of course. There must have been a certain amount of dreams that we had to list because I remember people including the most absurd things, places, celebrities, and activities on their boards. Needless to say, it was not really what anyone dreamed of, and we were all thinking of enough articles to place on our lists.
Well, this morning I was thinking and praying about my real dreams (in life, not in sleep) and I was reminded of that poster, and how if we had been asked to be truthful and serious, what I would have said. Honestly, the thought of putting my dreams out there scares me. I feel as if I either saying or writing them will do one of two things: one, that they would be plucked right out of my mouth and off of the page and taken away into some abyss forever and they will join all of the other proclaimed dreams that people have and never do - I take my dreams very seriously, and I think that if I share them, then you won't take them seriously; two, I think that if I put my dreams into word boxes and mark them somewhere, I will have to achieve them, and I'm terrified that I can't do them.
I always said that I didn't share all of myself with people because I was too deep thought of life in very strong, serious terms, and I could overwhelm them. And that is partially true. I remember a few times when I have sat down with a girlfriend and told her a dream that I had and she either glazes over, doesn't get it, or, just recently, I had someone say, "You know who would be really good at that?" and proceed to tell me who else would be better at accomplishing my own dream.
But, lately, I have had less and less of an excuse. For one, Billy has helped me tremendously. He takes me seriously and believes that everything God has placed on my heart can come to pass. I have also been meeting with an awesome girl that is a lot like me - very serious and 'overwhelming' at times, and she has really specific personal goals - and our commonalities have been inspiring because when I was younger, I truly felt as if I were the only person who took life this seriously, and that I needed to back down. Together, we are reading Beth Moore's So Long, Insecurity and that has been opening up my eyes to my own insecurities and how they have been holding me back from what I feel God wants me to do.
I can't help but think that I'm not the only one who feels this way. What are some of your dreams - the one's that you are scared to say out loud? or write down? or share with the www so that everyone might hold you accountable? I'd love to hear yours, because my next blog post will be mine. I'd like to be in good company.